Tales of Konoha: The Woes of Women
by IlluminatedShadow
Summary: “Actually, now that Hinata mentions it, my gaydar does flash when I pass Naruto…Infact, it flashes when I pass most of the boys.” Ino said  every eligible male in the village be gay? Oh, the woes of women.


Hello everyone! I.S. here with a one shot. This is another part of the Tales of Konoha series I'm planning on writing and a sequel of sorts to "Why Everyone Thought Sasuke Was Gay."

I think I should be shot for this. It's not that great and I have no idea what prompted me to write this. But go ahead and read it anyways and if you like it or thinks its funny, leave a review s'il vous plait.

Warnings: assumed gay-ness of guys, language, OCC-ness

Pairings: You'll see

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and after reading this people will be happy that I don't.

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It was a lovely day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the children were playing, Gai and Kakashi were having another competition (to see who could hold their breath underwater the longest), and Team 7 was having lunch together.

All was going well, until…

"Why are all the hot guys gay?"

Naruto, who had stolen a piece of grilled beef from Sasuke's plate and was about to put it in his mouth, paused and stared at the pink-haired woman in front of him. The piece of beef fell from his chopsticks (1).

"…what?" the 19 year-old, hokage-in-training said, blue eyes widening slightly.

Sasuke, who was about to smack Naruto for stealing his food again, stared at Sakura and then he said slowly, "Sakura, I thought we cleared this up years ago. I'm not gay. Naruto lied."

Naruto winced slightly. Sasuke's fan girls hadn't been too pleased once they realized how Naruto had played them. The young blond had to hide for a week before the hunt for his blood had ended. Ino had scowled at him and occasionally 'accidentally' threw kunai at him up until he left for training with Jiraiya. Not to mention Sasuke's reaction after the incident.

Secretly, Naruto believed during their battle before Sasuke left, the raven-haired boy had still been pissed about the rumor.

The pink-haired girl sighed again and stirred her tea. "It's not just you Sasuke. It seems almost every boy in this village is gay or has some strange obsession with another male." Green eyes glanced at the whiskered boy across from her.

"I'm not obsessed with any guy!"

Sakura coughed into her hand. "Sasuke." She coughed once more and took a sip of her tea. Naruto scowled. Sasuke ignored them both.

"Shino's not gay."

"Obsessed with Kiba."

"He is not and Kiba's not gay. He has a girlfriend living in the Hidden Cloud village. And Hyuuga's not gay."

"Neji's prettier than any girl." Sakura said bitterly.

As Sasuke opened his mouth to argue with Sakura, Naruto saw a flash of white and green from the corner of his eye. Neji and Lee had entered the restaurant. And it seemed (from the expression on Neji's face) that both had heard Sakura's loud comment.

"So you think all feminine guys are gay? That's a stereotype." Sasuke scolded lightly.

"Well maybe if all the men in this village didn't fit the criteria of stereotypical, homosexual men." Sakura snapped.

"My beloved Sakura!" Lee's voice rang out as he ran to kneel down and grasp Sakura's hands. "Seeing you has made this day absolutely perfect!" he announced, tilting his head to place a light kiss on each of Sakura's pale hands. Sakura giggled and a pale, pink blush spread across her face.

"Good afternoon, Naruto." Neji nodded to the blond and as an afterthought, nodded to Sasuke. The dark-haired man nodded curtly and then slapped Naruto's hand as the whiskered boy tried to steal from his plate.

"Eat your own damn food."

"I already did!" The blond whined, trying (and failing) to get Sasuke to share his food. After years of being teammates and friends, the raven haired ninja had become immune to the Uzumaki Pout.

"Then order something else!"

Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but stopped and considered what Sasuke said. "Okay, I will!" He waved the waiter over and then added slyly, "After all, you're paying."

Sasuke's eyes widened as Inner Sasuke cursed and despaired about having a friend with a bottomless pit for a stomach.

"That dobe is gonna empty out my wallet!" Inner Sasuke stomped.

"And a cup of tea."

"Oh yeah! And a cup of tea for Neji. What would you like Lee?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke scowled. "I'm not paying for those two."

"Sasuke you bastard! They're your fellow ninjas! Stop being so stingy!"

"Yes, Uchiha. Don't be so stingy." Neji smirked.

Sasuke seethed. By now most of the restaurant was staring at their table and he could hear some diners whispering about how impolite and miserly he was. 'Damn it all.'

"Lee, I have to ask you something." Sakura said. All four boys looked at her with interest.

"Ask me anything, my precious cherry blossom." Lee answered, smiling adoringly at the pink-haired woman.

"Answer me honestly, okay?" She asked and Lee nodded quickly.

"Are you gay?"

Sakura's question was followed by a snapping of chopsticks (Sasuke), a thunk (Naruto's head hit the restaurant table), a choking noise (Neji had taken a sip of his tea which had just arrived and ended up choking on the hot liquid), and a crash (the waiter, who was within hearing range, had just tripped and dropped his tray). And Lee? Lee was at a loss for words.

Sakura looked at each boy's reaction and then continued to speak. "I just had to ask because, well, sometimes I have wondered. After all, you did have an unhealthy obsession with Gai-san and Neji. Not to mention that weird relationship you have with Gaara." At this point Lee had regained some speech and was (unsuccessfully) trying to reply. So Sakura continued, "I'm sure you love me and I love you, so that's why I think you should be honest with me. I'm not the only one who's curious. Ino was wondering, as were Ten-Ten and Hinata."

"But Sakura! I have eyes for you and only you! Gai-sensei is my sensei and Neji is just my teammate. And Gaara is just a friend. You're my one true love!" Lee proclaimed as a beautiful beach and sunset appeared behind him.

"I hate to interrupt this touching scene, but I have to ask. What is with all the questions about every Konoha male's sexuality?" Neji asked after regaining his composure.

"Well," Sakura started, "it all began at Ino's sleepover a few days ago…"

**--Flashback—**

"It's been so long since us girls could get together like this." Ino exclaimed as she sat down in between Hinata and Sakura. Across from Ino was TenTen. All four girls sat in a small circle in Ino's purple room in their pajamas.

"I know, especially between all the missions we've had." TenTen said.

Hinata nodded in agreement. "And father has been even more stressed with the ceremony coming up. And Hanabi has suddenly started having doubts about her ability to lead the clan." After becoming jounin quickly, Hinata's father reconsidered her as clan head but Hinata, who had become stronger and less shy, refused and instead decided to take on a genin team and support her sister from the background ("Hanabi has trained her entire life to take on this role ever since you took it from me father. I cannot take it away from her simply because you have changed your mind."). "This get together was a good idea, Ino."

"Yeah, for once you've gotten a good idea." Sakura teased and laughed and Ino playfully hit her with a pillow.

"Shut up! Anyways, let's catch up. Have any of you met any cute guys?" The blonde said looking at each girl in the room.

"I don't need to meet any cute guys. I've got Lee." Sakura said with a proud smile.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Don't get too proud, he still wears that hideous green spandex thing and has that ugly…" She trailed off when she realized TenTen was glaring at her and twirling a kunai in one hand. "I mean, not all of us can find such a loving and devoted boyfriend. What about you Hinata?" Ino asked turning her attention to the lavender eyed girl. "Still stuck on Naruto?"

A pink blush appeared on her pale cheeks as Hinata looked down. "I'm fond of Naruto-kun, but…" The Hyuuga girl bit her bottom lip. "…but I think he's out of my reach."

TenTen gasped. "Don't talk like that Hinata! Just tell him how you feel."

Hinata shook her head. "I don't think it would matter because…I don't think he likes girls at all."

The entire room went silent. Even each girl's inner self was quiet.

And then…

"Are you suggesting my teammate is gay?" Sakura asked slowly.

Hinata's eyes widened and she nodded.

"Actually, now that Hinata mentions it, my gaydar does flash when I pass Naruto…In

fact, it flashes when I pass most of the boys." Ino said thoughtfully.

"Well, it's not surprising, sometimes their more concerned with each other and training

rather than dating. Not to mention they have obsessions with defeating each other. Oh and Sasuke's first kiss was Naruto and vice versa." TenTen added.

"But none of that means they're gay!" Sakura argued.

"Chill out forehead girl. It's Hinata who thinks that idiot blond on your team is gay and TenTen and I are just joking. No need to freak out." Ino said rolling her eyes. Then, standing up, she said, "I'm going to go make some popcorn."

**--End Flashback—**

All four boys blinked. Then Naruto said, "That's why you're so concerned with our sexuality? Because of one conversation?"

Sakura suddenly found her napkin very interesting. "My mind kept going back to that conversation."

Sasuke sighed. "I'm straight and I still have to restart my clan, but first I need to--"

"Kill Itachi," Naruto interrupted and then said, "Shikamaru is dating Temari, Chouji is dating the baker's daughter, Shino is engaged to a distant cousin, and Kiba is mooning over that girl Sasuke mentioned earlier, I think I saw Gaara checking out TenTen on his last visit here, and Hinata and I are planning on having dinner tomorrow night."

"You'd better not hurt her, or else." Neji threatened. "I'm really not interested in anyone, male or female."

"And I'm in love with you!" Lee smiled sweetly.

"Just because some guys want to kick other guy's asses doesn't mean they like the other guy. It's just a guy thing. We like beating each other up. So tell Ino her gaydar is broken…or better yet…"

"You are not allowed to trick Ino again by making us all pretend to be gay and doing something to traumatize her and other people including my fan club."

"But Sasuke!"

"Do you want to end up in the hospital again?" The dark-haired male asked, raising a slender eye brow.

Sakura sighed, "I guess it was silly of me to think all the guys in this village were gay."

"Don't fall prey to stereotypes again." Neji said standing up. "And thanks again for the tea, Uchiha."

"Oh, look at the time; I've got to get going." Naruto said standing up quickly and with a flash of hand signs, the blond teleported out of the restaurant. Raising an eyebrow, Sasuke picked up the check the waiter had brought earlier during Sakura's story. Suddenly, Sasuke's eye brow began twitching as he saw the total price.

"I'll kill him." He swore, crumpling the bill in one hand.

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Well, its done. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the content, language, or my crappy writing. But at least its no longer unfinished on Microsoft Word and nagging me to finish it. And now I can get on with the next story in the Tales of Konoha series, this time with Gai and Kakashi as the stars!

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Want me to go crawl under a rock and die?

Leave a review and let me know what you thought of this story.


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